Chivalry Is Dead, And Women Killed It

We’ve heard the line a thousand times before – chivalry is dead.  In fact, I think it was killed off before I was ever born.  I can’t for the life of me, log on to a social network and not run into, “why can’t I just find a nice guy.”  Ugh…

Well allow me to answer that question for every broken teenage heart everywhere right here, right now.  For every middle-aged woman who wonders, “where did all the gentlemen go?” – I’m about to explain it to you.  For every elderly lady who can’t fathom how there isn’t a kind, strapping young lad holding the door open for her, I’m about to give you the bitter truth.

Chivalry is dead and women killed it.  In true feminist fashion, they took it out back, beat and strangled it to death with the bras they had just liberated themselves from.  Then, they buried it and left it for dead.

It’s true.  Here me out.

I always make it a point to be a gentleman.  I will go out of my way to open the door for a lady, a man, or even a dude.  If you’re close enough, I will hold that door for you.  If your hands are full, I will wait around to hold that door for you.  But this old-fashioned attitude doesn’t always leave the folks with a grin of gratitude.

Scenario #1 – I’m on my way inside of an anonymous building, and a kind elderly lady is coming up behind me.  I stop, open the door and hold it for her.  When she passes by she too stops, smiles, and thanks me with every ounce of genuine love the sweet lady has to muster.  ”What a wonderful man you are,” she says to me.

The scenario mentioned above is the one that’s dead, or at the very least, dying.  Here are a couple of other scenarios when I open the door for the fairer sex.

Scenario #2 – Here comes a cute house wife.  Yep, she’s pretty good looking.  And I pretty much don’t care.  I just want to do the gentlemenly thing and hold the door open for her (because she’s right behind me, and I would hold the door if she happened to be a fat man).  I then see a look of confusion on her face.  ”Did the door just open for me?”  She then realizes that no, the door did not open for her but that some chauvinistic pig was standing, holding it for her, literally the entire time this puzzle was buzzing through her head.  She then scoffs and says “thanks,” in a manner which really meant, “I can open my own doors you creep.”

Scenario #3 –  I’m at the same unknown building again (I like to hang out there).  I’m on my way to the front door.  I look over my shoulder and there is a girl coming up behind me.  I have a decision to make, hold the door and risk another scenario #2, or to just keep walking into the building.  I choose to hold the door.  It is ingrained in me.  I can’t not hold the door if there is somebody getting close to it, male or female, I will hold that door.  She stops dead in her tracks, shocked, as if no man had ever even considered opening a door for her.  She looks at me dead in the eyes.  She smiles, and in disbelief she forces the words, “thank you,” into the air.  It leaves her in such disbelief that such kind men exist that her only conclusion must be that I’m flirting with her.

One more hypothetical.  The gym.  Ah yes, the gym.  Where people go to pretend they are working out, but really just spend their time gathered around the machines I had planned on using but can’t use because there is a convention going on around the bench press, and the free weights, and everywhere else, so I awkwardly use the cables, something I had no intention of doing…. but I digress.

Those outfits that girls wear to the gym. You know what I’m talking about when I say, “outfits.”  You’re not helping anybody by wearing your bathing suite to the local gym.  Yeah yeah, I’ve heard the line.  Just because a girl dresses a certain way, that doesn’t mean that she is a certain way.  And while that may or may not be true, it leaves men worldwide in a state of chaotic confusion.  That makes no sense.  You can’t present the gifts that God gave you (or gifts you paid Dr Niptuck for) and not expect a few jaws dropped and unwanted stares.  And when I say stares, I mean a hawk spotting it’s next meal.  It makes me uncomfortable, and I’m not the one being ogled over.

How about the guys who just want to work out?  Yeah, us married guys who are there to work out (we do exist).  We have no desire to get to know ya, but you’re on the machine I have been waiting for.  You are in the vicinity of where I was going to be.  I’m here and you’re there.  I thought nobody would be on the machine, so I began my walk over, but alas, there is somebody on the machine.

Somewhere along the lines, this has been confused with flirting.  I would try to explain and articulate this phenomenon but I can’t.  I just don’t get it.

Okay, so all the women reading this right now are all up in arms.  Arguing with every syllable that made its way through my fingertips and onto the screen.  So let’s give credit where credit is due.  Men are sick.  They truly are pigs.  Well, a lot of them are anyway.  Well, not really, just the guys you pay attention to.  Which leads me to my next point.

“I just want to find a nice guy.  Why are all the good guys married?”  No, you don’t want a nice guy, and there are a few million good guys walking around waiting to find a nice girl.  You’re just not attracted to nice guys.  You’re attracted to bad boys with worse attitudes towards women.  That’s as far as I’m daring to go down that rabbit hole.

So here is what decent men everywhere are up against – An aging generation that appreciates chivalry but sees less of it.  An entire generation and upcoming generation that is either offended or confused by it, and a growing number of nice girls who wouldn’t recognize a nice guy if he was standing in front of a building, holding the door open for them.

If chivalry is not dead, it is definitely up against the ropes.

***AUTHORS NOTE*** Though the article is placing blame on women, please note that men everywhere should be put on notice.  It’s time we all MANNED UP and started being more gentlemen like