Every day across America, there are one in five individuals, or really about one person per group of friends (and there is nothing scientific about that claim), who suffer from the hilarious effects of sarcasm. This vicious personality disorder leaves people everywhere in a state of bewilderment and confusion. Sometimes even tears.
It’s absolutely hilarious.
Throughout my life, and more so into my adult years as the sarcasm kills off all of my other personalities, I find it increasingly difficult to maintain a steady friendship. I find that to be hilarious. I remember my wife and I were visiting with my Bishop (that’s an LDS term for Pastor, Priest, Rabbi or for Atheists, Al Gore), and he said to my wife, “I don’t know if I should be afraid of this guy or laugh hysterically.” He then broke out in laughter.
As a fierce sarcasm advocate, this is a dream scenario. That is to say, a truly sarcastic individual always wants to keep his peers laughing while also keeping them in a state of confusion and fear (you could call it the Ron Swonson method).
Yet, as one of the more sarcastic people that I know, I understand that the general population is genuinely confused by it. Sprinkle it on too thick and you could bring a grown man to tears.
Hear me people, the sarcastic people of America never seek to offend, they are merely trying to entertain themselves and really don’t care what anybody thinks. I myself don’t make jokes to make people laugh, I make them because I find them to be hilarious and the joke is always worth a few chuckles, no matter the cost.
What about the rest of the country though? Not everybody, actually, most people just do not understand this sarcasm thing – especially if it is dry sarcasm. Sure, they understand what it is. They can sense sarcasm to a degree, but when faced with a truly sarcastic individual most people have no choice but to laugh uncomfortably because they don’t know what else to do.
With all that being said, I have decided to make a list of sarcasm detection techniques that can’t help you avoid some hurt feelings and enjoy some of the best laughter in recent memory.
As you can see, there is nothing listed. That is because there really is no way to detect a dry/sarcastic sense of humor.
A better way to deal with this epidemic is to make a list of the way a sarcastic individual sees and deals with the world.
- We said it because it’s hilarious to us.
- We are only apologizing because your feelings are hurt or you are confused, but deep down we still find this to be quite hilarious.
- Sarcastic people show no joy or misery. We keep life on an even keel, only showing raw emotion when the situation absolutely calls for it. Unless we just made a joke at the expense of somebody else. Then you will see us in joyous jubilee.
- When we run into another person of equal or greater sarcasm, it is a friendship made in heaven and we will be inseparable until death, and in perpetual hysterics along the way, because we understand each other only the way another sarcastic person could.
- Though we are aware of our own sarcasm, we are confused why people are so confused by our actions and words. You should just understand that I should never be taken serious – which leads to number six.
- We have to clarify when we are actually being serious – which leads to number seven.
- Often we have to clarify when we are joking.
- We get frustrated that we have to clarify anything. Just get it.
- When sarcastic people get together prepare for a whirlwind of hilarious confusion. We get it. You probably won’t. And that’s okay.
- We don’t know there are limits and this usually results in trouble.
This is but a few examples of how to identify sarcasm from the prospective of the sarcastically sarcastic.
Modern science has yielded no solution to this plague of the American emotion.
Perhaps the only solution to this growing apocalyptic nightmare scenario of people running around making dry quips at the expensive of others, is to just love us anyway.
- January 3, 2017
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