Gun Control Even the 2nd Amendment Can Agree With

As we’ve all seen lately, gun control is at the top of the news again. Another school shooting has stirred controversy and concern in America, yet again. In a rare break from its “Down with Trump” initiative, CNN has indulgently plunged itself into a spree of coverage of a group of teenage students protesting guns. And once again, defenders of the Second Amendment of the Constitution find themselves defending a right that should need no defense, particularly defense against the self-proclaimed civil rights champions of the Left, the right to defend oneself.

So what is the answer? A new type of gun control that those on the Left and those on the Right can both embrace.

The Left is fond of blaming guns for the violence we witness in America. Oddly, they spend little time discussing (other than the time spent trying to “understand and empathize with”) the mentally ill, socially broken, or just radically evil men, boys, and occasionally female who perpetrate such violence. To them it is the object used that they blame for the death and carnage, as if the guns themselves simply rose from their place of storage, transported themselves (somehow) to the crime scene and then proceed to pull their own trigger in a violent rage. Horrific, if not asinine, to even think it.

Never mind that a politically similar slanted group who like to use the assertion that “the science is settled” in reference to highly questionable and dubious claims based on consistently disproven, deceptive, and dissonant data regarding the earth’s climate refuse to acknowledge the scientifically proven law (notice this is not a scientific theory still pending further testing and scrutiny, but a scientific law – unchanging and irrefutable since Newton established it centuries ago) that an object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force – in other words, a gun won’t move unless something moves it, and subsequently, a trigger won’t pull itself – it has to be pulled. No, to the Left that is but a technicality; a mere formality. We mustn’t concern ourselves with unquestionable laws of science when throwing public tantrums over basic rights that get in our way of imposing our will on others, especially those far less gender-inclusive than us.

But let’s play along for just a moment to consider the Left’s claim that the gun is at fault. What would that mean? What could that mean?

It means we could create gun control that we all agree with.

If guns, particularly those scary, black, chunky-metal-looking assault kinds or worse, those ghost ones, are of themselves committing violent and criminal acts on people, we have no other choice than to try them for their crimes in a court of law and punish them. It is time we change the paradigm. No longer should murderers stand trial for the crimes they are falsely accused, when in reality the objects “they used” as weapons are to blame. It is now time we stop filling prisons with black and brown men, and instead fill them with black and brown guns.

Not only would this rid our communities of the violent guns, it would actually preserve the second amendment. Though the Constitution grants citizens the right to own guns for their protection, it gives no protection, outside of prohibiting cruel and unusual punishment, to criminal, murderous guns. Now, every gun that doesn’t rise up and hurl metal projectiles into the bodies of human beings can live a happy life, free from the threats of oppression and extinction. Those that do rise up in violence, we will prosecute to the full extent of the law!

The headlines will change from saying “Joe Blow Psycho shoots up shopping mall” to “9mm Serial Number 4432XJR2D2MR480C3PO4590HSIHENT4498 goes crazy at county fair”. The clarity in news reporting will eliminate any need for further cries of gun control because we’ll discover which are the evil guns and lock them up for good, never to threaten society again. And because guns take considerably less space, food, and yard time to imprison than human beings, our prison costs will plummet to never-before-seen lows (more money to give Planned Parenthood!)

We as a people must now evolve like our chimpanzee forefathers and their rodent forefathers and their salamander forefathers and their slug like forefathers and their…ahem, I digress…we must as a society change to meet the challenges of our modern times. We must stop blaming individuals who are mere victims of The Evil Oppressive Patriarchy and start placing the responsibility at the feet, or bump stocks, of the real villains: guns that murder people.

Yes, something must be done. We must make a change. We must all insist on gun control! We must incarcerate all the murderous guns, and then of course offer the non-violent ones headstart programs, protect their rights to choose to abort their magazines as they see fit, offer them free college tuition, protect those guns who cross over the border illegally just looking for a better way of life, and…well…that’s probably a topic for another article.

In the meantime, keep your eye out for murderous guns – they can show up anywhere, at anytime (coincidentally always in someone’s hands, but we’ve all agreed that’s irrelevant), and can be capable of untold levels of evil – so stay vigilant, my friends. And remember, the only way to stop a murderous gun is common sense legislation, so keep a good supply on hand – works every time.

  • karl

    Trust the pols common sense solutions what harm can it do????????